BIRDS, BEASTS AND BEN
by Susan Brewer
Available through Amazon
‘What’s up with him?’
‘He’s been told he’s presenting tonight from up a tree. Apparently, he’s not good with heights. It’ll be dark and cold, but Lin thought it would be a bit of fun. There’ll be a night camera, looking to see what’s around.’
Ben and Matt tittered.
‘Well, he has to suffer for his art. He’s always worked in a studio before, but now he’s finding out how the great unwashed make the programmes he used to feature in some of his quizzes,’ said Ben.
‘Hey up! God’s on his way,’ hissed Matt.
Jonathan strode towards them, his glasses as ever slipping down his nose and his bald head shining under the café’s fluorescent light. ‘I want a quick word with you three.’
Matt sighed. ‘Now what’ve we done?’
‘Innuendo! We’ve had some complaints.’
‘Innuendo?’ Ben looked at him innocently, though his smirk rather spoiled the effect.
‘You know perfectly well what I mean. At every opportunity you all manage to mention,’ diffidently, Jonathan cleared his throat, ‘err, cocks, tits, breasts or anything else you can manage to make sound obscene. All three of you are as bad – even you, Leila.’
She had the grace to look abashed.
‘Last night was disgusting,’ he continued. ‘A woman from Cornwall rang the company, and there were two shocked messages on the bulletin board.’
‘And there were over a hundred appreciative tweets,’ said Matt.
Ben grinned. ‘Jonathan, you tell me how I can report on beavers without mentioning the word beaver, and I’ll do it. Anyway, I’m surprised at you, seeing innuendoes in everything we say.’
‘Just watch it, that’s all.’ Jonathan stalked off, while Ben, Leila and Matt collapsed into a giggling fit.
A minute later he returned. ‘Oh, and Ben, the correct pronunciation is “frog spawn”, not “frogs’ porn.” I do have ears, you know.’ He marched out again.
Kindle Link: http://tinyurl.com/olau54k
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